Perhaps you are wondering about the name of my blog - Looking Into Glass. Perhaps not, but humor me. After all , this is my blog.

As mentioned in a previous blog, I see the spiritual aspect of life as a two-fold quest. On the one hand is the obvious desire - to know God. But on the other side of that coin is the desire to know someone else - myself. I have found that the most enlightening experiences I have ever had were moments when I discovered something about myself that I did not know. It may have come from someone's comments about me, from a successful or failed venture, or from a time of introspection. And that moment of enlightenment was a spiritual experience for me. Amazingly, the discovery caused me to think about God. In other words, the realization about myself resulted in prayer. Perhaps it was a moment of worship or a moment of "O God, help me." But regardless, my focus turned to my Creator.

The title comes from the Bible. The book of James (1:25) describes the Bible as a mirror, a looking glass. The words are an exhortation to read the Bible with thoughtfulness. Rather than just reading words on a page with little desire to understand, we are encouraged to consider and meditate on what we see there. Many times we see ourselves. The most surprising discovery while reading and meditating is that we find we are looking at ourselves from God's viewpoint. That is usually a fairly drastic change of perspective.

This path of self-discovery is a path also of God discovery. No, you don't discover God within you. I am not Hindu. Rather, we discover God is shaping us to be more fully human and also, more like Him. For we were created in His image. Self discovery also brings us to realize how much we need God, the greater power, to help us. Humanity is in dire need of divine assistance.

My hope is that you will begin (or continue) the path of understanding God and self. I hope you will look for & discover the real you and the you God created you to be.

I thought you may be interested in reading a lament psalm (or poem) I recently composed in reflection of a time of burnout. I dedicate it to you church planters who know the experience described in the poem.

The God of Just Enough

Like manna from heaven has come daily provision,
Just enough for today, just enough.
The rent is soon due and one offering on Sunday,
Will it be enough? Just Enough?
The kids are thirsty. They want more of You.
Will some step up soon?
Will they be enough? Just enough?

Where is the God of glorious riches?
Where are the cattle of a thousand hills?
Where is the God who rewards sacrifice and faith?
Are You the God of Just Enough?
You who keep us barely alive,
You who sustain us as we look for the
breakthrough that will never come.

And yet this I remember –
It is Your work. I am Your servant.
My responsibility is faithfulness,
Your responsibility is success.
So I will trust Your heart for me,
And for me right now – Just enough is enough.

In the recovery process, I've come to a conclusion. Well, I've come to a question I would like for you bloggers to read and answer: Does faith require emotional energy?

Let me explain. For those of you who do not know me, I am completing a phase of ministry in planting a new church. It took all we (my wife & I) had to plant it. After five years, we were give out. So I resigned. The past few months have been refreshing, but one thing we have discovered is that our faith has really been under fire. We are having to trust God at a deeper level than ever before. Church planting pushed us to trust God, but this time of unemployment has really pushed us even further in our faith. One of our challenges is trusting God when our heart is weary and has no energy to go another step.

So, what do you think? Does faith require emotional energy? Of perhaps a better question is:
What is the relationship between our emotions and our faith?

There you go, bloggers. Food for thought. Eat it up.

The Ted Haggard situation raises a lot of questions, doesn't it? For one, who is Ted Haggard? (For history, see http://www.tedhaggard.com/gazette.jsp ) Was the deal motivated by politics? Is he really gay? Or is he homophobic? Are all clergy people like that? What about Catholic priests? Can we trust the words of a male prostitute who sells drugs? And those questions are just a few. But here is one question we all need to ask: Who am I?

I know that question sounds out of place, but the Ted Haggard mess really does raise that question. Who am I, as a Christian leader, to throw stones? Or on the other hand, to excuse him? I need to remember that Ted Haggard is no different than me when it comes to temptations or sin. No one is exempt. The opportunities to do the wrong thing are numerous and they are obvious. Leaders of the church are just as susceptible to make the wrong choice. And am I more afraid of getting caught doing the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing? A huge difference exists between those choices. I need to be careful that certain things are in place to protect me from falling, whether anyone else finds out about it or not.

Who am I, as a Christian, that I would raise a man up on such a pedestal that his fall could be so far? One of the challenges in our American culture is the celebrity status we give people. Why do we seek autographs? Why do we want our picture made with them? Why do we flock to stadiums to hear certain people sing or speak? I have to admit that I've paid for tickets to concerts before. I've gone to hear certain speakers. Namely because I knew it would be worth attending. But in so doing, have I helped create a culture that exalts people too highly? So many of the problems in American Christianity today is rooted in ambition and pride.

I may be blogging out of turn here, but I don't see Jesus selling tickets to His sermon on the mount. I don't see Him following the media frenzy. In fact, He told people, "Don't let anybody know about Me." Even when He declares the way of suffering as the path God had chosen for him, remember the outcry from Simon Peter? The difference between the two was their heart. "Simon, you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

And so, part of the Haggard fiasco really comes back to me. I have to ask the question: Who am I? And to honestly admit that many times I have desired the pedestal and that there will be moments in the future when I will probably desire it.

My prayer for me and for other Christian leaders is that we will be careful about the pedestal. Perhaps the advice of Proverbs 4:23 expresses my prayer best: "Lord, help me guard my heart above all else. For it is the wellspring of life."

I've discovered that this experience we call "life" is more than a series of disconnected events and conversations. In my short time on earth, my lifetime has been a journey. I've travelled from being a helpless infant in my mother's womb to a man approaching middle age. I've travelled from the clay dirt of south Georgia to the coast of Brazil with various stops all along the way only to come full circle to south Georgia once again. But perhaps most interesting of all has been the spiritual journey I've taken. Now understand that my spiritual journey is radically interwoven with the rest of my life. I do not see life as compartmentalized. All of it is connected in some way. And to me the foundation of it all is the spiritual. My understanding of God (first and foremost) along with my understanding of self has been dramatically changed and shifted and is still in the process. Yet, the more I learn of God, the more ignorant I feel. So many unanswered questions that outnumber the answered questions. And that is the essence of my spiritual journey - Who is God? Who am I?

In our pluralistic culture, I suppose it is important that you bloggers understand that I come from a Biblical worldview. Now please don't peg me as narrow-minded and bigoted. Most Christians aren't. We've been portrayed as such and in many instances, rightly so. These ideas and thoughts come from a man seeking to live the life God created him to live.

I hope you will read my blogs in authentic reflection. Perhaps a moment of life transformation, even a small moment, will occur in the midst of your reading. I offer to you this journal full of questions, thoughts, ideas, and perhaps even a few answers. They come from my journey so far. So I am a work in process. I welcome your response.