A Father’s Prayer – The Son I Needed

Father,

     Today I wait in anticipation for a wedding service on Saturday evening for our oldest son, Ryan. It is one I will officiate with tears in my eyes, a lump in my throat and joy in my heart. And You’ve known about this all along haven’t You?

     Can it be true that this moment of release has almost arrived? It has been only 25 years since we brought him home from the hospital as a helpless infant. And to his dismay, he was born to helpless parents. We had no idea what to do with him. But You protected him from our stupidity Lord. And we are grateful that he survived physically and emotionally. It was only a short time ago that he was bathing in the kitchen sink with plastic spoons and a rubber ducky. We did know to keep the sharp instruments away from him. Wasn’t it just yesterday that we played ball outside and then played legos inside? And oh those sleepless nights that I thought would never end. But they did. And I am deeply, incredibly grateful.
      And I wonder why You gave him to us Lord. What did You see in us that said, “Those two need a kid like Ryan.” Because we did need him. He has taught me so much about You. How often have I as a dad looked to you for wisdom and found You knew what to do? His giving heart has compelled me toward greater heights of generosity, like You.  And those sleepless nights when he was afraid and we had to shut his door to teach him to not fear the dark. I stood there on the other side of that door hoping he would gain the heart of a champion and conquer his fears. He did. Boy did he!? This guy has slept on a bench in the San Diego airport waiting for his plane. But on those long nights, I thought about how many times I have been in the dark and wondered where You were, only to discover that you were right there, enabling me to gain the heart of a champion as well.
      Really Father? Is it time to release him fully and finally? Wait! Aren’t there still things I need to teach him? Did I cover everything? What if I forgot something? He won’t survive, will he? (And at this point in my prayer, I hear the sound of a small laughter from Heaven.) Yes, Lord, You are right. And once again I am the ever learning student.

      So I wait in eager anticipation for Saturday night and the tears, the lump and the joy. Bring it! They shall stand there with me at that altar as I ask him if he really, really wants to marry this lovely girl named Newt and if she really, really wants to do the same. And we will celebrate with our invited guests the amazing power of Christ to take our broken lives and to unite them as one. And I shall watch them take their first steps of following Jesus into the future. And I believe that somehow I will continue to learn from him and her.
     Yes, Lord, here is our son once again. We gladly laid him at Your feet when we brought him home from the hospital because we knew You loved Him more than we did. We do so again. Thanks for the honor. Amen.

He Is Calling

Weary of the routines,
No more of the status quo,
I am looking for life.
My heart cries out for more than my past.

In my search for more,
There comes silence.
And in the silence I hear a whispering,
It is an invitation,
A calling.
My heart skips,
It is a voice I know.
It is the One who painfully and patiently calls for me,
And waits for me.

Shall I leave my past
With all its pleasures and security?
Shall I pursue the future
With all its uncertainties?

Shall I accept His invitation to follow?
Can I trust His heart for me?
With its bleeding, wounds and bruises?

Promises do not come lightly from Him.
He paid dearly for them.
His word is truth.
And so I wonder:
Can I not follow Him into the future?